Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
