OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
