My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
