This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
