Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
