and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
