It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
