I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
