If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
