Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
