hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
