He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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