don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
