Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
