I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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