Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
