he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
