The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
