Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
