What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
