nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
