Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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