If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
