thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
