Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
did i walk over a car last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Bring me that man meat
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize