I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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