AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
