apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
