I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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