so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
