so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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