Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
