Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
