mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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