So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
