I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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