I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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