dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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