I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
