You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
