Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
