I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
