Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
sex in a hospital.. check
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
