Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
