What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
