you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize