You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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