The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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