why didn't you poke me back
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize