Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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