I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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