Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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