pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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