I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fuck appropriateness.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
