Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize