I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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