I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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