He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
