apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I would fuck him just for his dog
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
