This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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