In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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