She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
