Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
