i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
