nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
