he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
