If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
