new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
