quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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