Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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