im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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