party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this will be a night to untag.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
