Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
