We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
