No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
